Currently Playing Hey You Yes You By Ben Lee chills see related

if i could just figure out how to turn off my mind and just simply live sometimes i might not feel like an insane person right now.  its like i am so outside of every situation im in most of the time and i realize it so i make myself purposely refuse to fit in and just chill.  which is somewhat ironic considering im a pretty laidback person who is easily satisfied...that is, if and when i allow myself the pleasure.  is there something wrong with that fact that i must convince myself that i need to chillout in order to do so.  shouldn't it just come naturally...given the naturality of contentment itself is just what makes it that.  why do i have to complicate every situation im in?  well i can answer that....back to the beginning.  my overanalytical rambling thoughts--i wish i could be a little less observant, a little more carefree with the ability to fleet along with each passing moment that does the same, to take in every moment without analyzing it over and over again...and for what purpose?  to come to some conclusion that makes no sense just like everything else.  i know that nothing is all i know...so why do i insist on trying to figure it all out?  its seems like more of a waste of time than anything else.  i think my awareness of it all is somewhat helpful even though it is what hinders me at the same time.   but i suppose that because i know theres something i want to change, i can. 

but that doesn't mean im not scared.

Currently Playing Blue Screen Life By Pinback Boo see related

what is time and why does it
taste like salt water inside of my mouth?
someday i will sail again,
to a distant shore, far away.

i just found something i wrote when i was um, well a little "out of myself"...i'll leave it at that.  nothing spectacular...just interesting to read in hindsight.

out of myself
and out of tune
intune with
my thoughts

clearer yet

harder to define

fine details

in my mind

minding more
than usual
usually alone

hoping for distractions

distractions sleep now

now at peace

peaceful dreams
await me with every blink

blinking out the clouds
cloudiness of the day is just a blur

blurring lines and shadows

shadows only hide the truth

true love finds us
when we let it rain on us

rainy days and summer sun

and sunday afternoons

half past noon on the pavement

our lines and shadows blur to one
one day we'll know this was

the day worth envying

envious of nights we feared the sun

the sun will come too early and will

stay out way too late

later we should celebrate

this life we'll live to hate

Currently Playing Hold on Love By Azure Ray sea of doubts see related

I told them all the ones I love
I'm leaving and I may not return
See lately I've been overcome
A feeling I fear has just begun
The pain I feel deep inside
That haunts us all that we will die
Never really knowing how it feels
To be alive
Through mountains and over seas
Through misery and disease
A spectator I played my part
But nothing could move this heart
Until i held the boys hand
The little one spoke like a man
He showed me death and said
This is how you know you're alive
A kingfisher in flight
You'll rise above the sea of doubts
Into a world full of clouds
Alive